To write.

I promised myself that i will write everyday about anything i could think of.  I promised myself that this once i will put all of my effort known to me,  that for this once i will persevere,  that i will not quit and i will not lose focus. I have tried a lot,  millions of times to think and realize what i want to do.  What this hands,  mind,  heart yearns and i can't count the times i never got an answer.  But now atleast one,  i do.  I want to write,  for all the tiny and inessential reasons. I can also state the obvious reasons,  but then again they are obvious. I asked if these reasons are the same with mine, somehow they are and they are not all at the same time. This one thing i know now, is the first thing i can work with,  finally. I decided i will work with it with all i got, and "all i got" may not be on a grand scale as compared to what "others got" but i will be no more than extremely proud to have given blood and time and efforts i could have never imagined,  because i never did before.  I am still figuring out alot these days and i bet much more in these coming months or years,  but along the way i will write. In between my juggles of priorities in every incomplete aspects, i will write.  With every shuffling emotions i would encounter i will write.  In the crowd of different faces and diverse ranges of beliefs,  i will write. And i will write incessantly until my hands, sore ––my mind, mute. I don't even worry of how.  I just came aboard with the one thing i can want the most entirely,  so i am giving myself permission to be flimsy and rubbish. As i have coveted to believe in the concept of Einstein's relativity theory,  i will still say i have a lot of time. I don't know what will come of it,  i never planned to be a professional in the field i have starved to be a part of.  I have never planned to do anything of it as of the moment but pleasure my soul with the gift i have yet to develop.  I have never planned things in my life actually.  I just do what my heart and my brain has altercated to want and to need.  This exact place where i stand will not hold me forever,  i eventually have to move on.  While i try to do the best moving forward i can and while i try to figure out all the corners and the turns i am yet to tangle myself with in this life i will write.  The first and one thing i have not confused myself with is what will remain constant in me in my entire walk.  I didn't even realize before i was holding onto it the same way i am holding off to it.  I maybe was scared more than i wanted it,  that is why i let go too soon and walked away.  But i do not forget of the times it crosses my mind and furnish my hands to draw words and to describe pictures. In those flutter of moments i felt the need to want to write,  so i do.  But it never last,  it would leave me as soon as it impinged on.  It left me bereft, i have to abandon hope before it ever flowed through my veins. And then i grew up a bit,  i know a thing or two now. I earned myself an intuitive amount of enough to know small and important things from all the days i spent in this lifetime. I know you never give up on the what you want,  especially if you never knew what it was until it hit you in the face and especially if it is quantifiable,  i should say.  Here i have a corner of my heart filled with one of the things i never pursued but had yearned long.  To keep writing is to keep smiling. So maybe that is why i keep smiling these days.